Fade to Black
by Wyldehart
Summary: What happens when the game "fades to black" right before the love scene with Fenris? I lifted the curtain so we can see into his mind and into her room. This story is raw, sexually charged and a bit sad. Not for the faint of heart. One shot.


**Fade to Black**

_This short one-shot is a glimpse into what might have happened at the end of __**Bitter Pill**__ when you are romancing __**Fenris**__. The title, __**Fade to Black**__, is a reference to what the game does when it comes to the sex scene and what I have written is a very raw look at what is going through his head before, during and after the sex act itself. I stopped short of actual game dialogue. I dislike using verbatim game dialogue because most of us have played it and we know what is said for the most part. It's what happens between the pages we want to hear._

_The sex itself is very raw, very powerful and not for the meek or prudish. Thus, I am giving it a very __**strong M-rating due to potentially graphic material **__that may be offensive to some. It's strictly hetero with a woman who likes creativity. __**Bioware **__owns Fenris and Justina is a perversion of my own imagination. I am giving a nod to __**Tropical Fool**__ for inspiring this story and helping me with some details._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

><p>Fenris backed away, his chest heaving. Justina Hawke stood before him, her arms crossed and her back against the wall. He'd said his piece; explained himself as clearly as he dared. She was smiling at him in a way that set his nerves on edge. He'd been flirting with her casually and up until recently, he'd considered taking a chance with her. But then the ambush had occurred and with that the realization that he was no longer as free as he'd hoped. He'd had his revenge on his old tormentor, Hadriana, shortly after learning he had a sister. Justina, "Jess" as she was called by family and friends, had listened to him as he sat on the bench, apologizing for his outburst before fleeing back to the city. He had needed to collect himself, so terrible was the reunion between ex-slave and Magister.<p>

She was so patient; so understanding. She listened to his explanation with few questions and only unwavering support for him. It was baffling! Not even an accusation when he went against his word and took Hadriana's life. It only made him respect her more. He supposed it helped that, like him, Jess was also a warrior, favoring a blade as long as she was tall and wearing armor so heavy she almost disappeared inside of it. She was ruthless on the battlefield, patient in conversation and gentle in difficult situations. She was also possessed of an acid wit and a sharp tongue. With short, vibrant red hair and a preference for heavy makeup, she was an unusual beauty and unique enough in body and soul to earn his admiration. When he looked into her bright, blue-green eyes, he felt transported to a world where slavery did not exist and mages couldn't touch him. Right now, his eyes were locked with hers and he couldn't look away.

The way she was looking at him right now, he felt vulnerable and exposed. It had taken him three days to gather the will to face her. During that time, she'd quietly gone about her business, having accepted his desire for privacy. So the moment he'd chosen to seek her out had wound up interrupting her bath. When she answered Bodhan's summons, her hair was wet and her face clean without even a smudge of the bright-red gloss she favored even when fighting. Without the cosmetics, her raw beauty was stunning to him, especially the way her wet hair gleamed darkly in the golden lamp-light of the mansion's foyer. This was very difficult for him. He could tell she was wearing nothing more than a short shift and a robe with her feet bare. Had she run to meet him? She seemed out of breath and flushed.

Their conversation had been brief but satisfying; resulting in some of her legendary patience and a weight seemed to have been lifted from his shoulders. Smiling wanly, he'd felt relaxed and refreshed but another feeling stirred within him as his moss-hued eyes raked her scantily-clad form. From behind the robe, he could see the rise and fall of her breasts as they pushed against the thin shift she wore underneath it. It was almost too much. He turned to leave, his hand reaching for the door but he felt her fingers curl around his shoulder, instantly stopping him. "Fenris…don't leave. Not yet. You shouldn't be alone," she said wisely. He knew she spoke true but despite his agreeing with her, for a moment, rage flared coupled with need. His brands blazed to life in a brief ripple of silver-blue light that moved across his skin. He raised his hand to strike her and stopped suddenly when their eyes again met.

Blue-green and moss gazes locked in a duel of wills. His hand reached out to her neck, long fingers curling around her jaw as he shoved her against the wall, the action forcing her to gasp. He broke the gaze to look down and he was rewarded by the sight of her body, insufficiently clothed as it was. Fenris could feel the pulse in her neck beneath his fingers as he held her there. His other arm pressed against the wall behind her as his body wedged hers against it. Her heart beating rapidly against his chest reminded him that, though excited or nervous, she trusted him completely. That was something he hadn't expected, especially after the "mercy" he'd shown Hadriana when she was in a similar position. He flushed deeply. Then, after what seemed a long time, his eyes snapped back up to hers and his brands flared to life again, this time not in anger but in something else he'd never experienced before. The sight of those pale mounds of flesh moving up and down against his chest made him sweat; made his leather breeches tight across the front. He swallowed. What was he waiting for?

Part of him wanted to flee but the other, much louder part wanted him to take her. The struggle was painful and terrifically unfair to his already frazzled nerves. He found that the brands were singing against his skin and he was surprised to learn that they were affected by lust as well as rage or when he wanted to use their unique abilities. They heightened his senses and made his skin extremely sensitive. The memory of his branding and the accompanying pain were his first memories and he was terrified of hurting again.

Without knowing why or that he was even doing it, he pushed her chin up with his armored-hand and covered her mouth with his. She quickly responded as if awaiting this very thing from him. She yielded to him, opening her mouth invitingly and their lips and tongues danced a passionate samba, which lasted far longer than either of them had expected. When their wet, swollen mouths finally parted, her eyes gleamed as she gripped him by his shoulders, spun him around and shoved him against the wall with surprising force. He gritted his teeth, enjoying the playful way she took control away from him. Justina pushed her body against him as she kissed him. Fenris then found his hands exploring her body without asking permission, not that she seemed to mind at all.

She bit and kissed his jaw as he groped her with the knowing caress of a man who had more experience than he seemed to think. Her nose buried in his hair, she inhaled the spicy, woody scent of those white locks and lyrium-laced skin. She loved the way he smelled; the way he kept inhaling her damp, newly-washed red hair, she could tell that he was equally infatuated.

Through the hide that covered him from the waist down, she could feel the length of his erection pressing into her hip. She was the perfect height for standing up to make love, he noted with one corner of his mouth raised in his sly smile. When was the last time he'd been this close to a woman? He couldn't answer that. Since receiving the Lyrium brands, he had carefully avoided contact of any kind, though it had been offered often enough. He wasn't bad looking. He knew his face and body were sexually appealing to both men and women and he was pragmatic enough to appreciate the beauty of both sexes in return. He wasn't without desire; he just feared being touched for the horrific memories touching stirred.

But this woman, with her full breasts and strong, muscular physique, was almost what would define as being his ideal, if he had to make a choice. He reached up his hand and cupped the right breast, raising the nipple above the delicate fabric that covered it. His eyes lingered over the brown-encircled reddish point that seemed to beckon to him as he lowered his mouth to it. He was gripping the soft mound of flesh harder than he intended but she was fully enjoying the way his tongue teased the nipple so that when he removed it from his mouth, it was engorged and very large. She ground her hips against his and he knew there would soon be a point of no return, one they were rapidly approaching.

Could he go through with it if it came to that? So far, her touch had done nothing more than stir his need for her but what about when she peeled the hide armor from his body and wanted to touch the rest of him? Unexpectedly, he quivered with pleasure at the thought of her kissing him in every place, every way and running her hands over his most intimate areas. Decision made, he leaned close to her ear and whispered, "I want you, Hawke…"

At that moment, her mother walked into the foyer and, after gasping in shock, retreated back to the living-room with her hands over her mouth and her eyes wide. Jess blushed and kissed his mouth softly. "We should go to my room before things get out of hand and Varric starts selling tickets. We are rather exposed here, don't you think?" Fenris reluctantly withdrew the fingers he'd been using to explore her inner reaches with and nodded. She took him by his hand, his skin still glowing with soft, blue-white light and led him through her house. Bodhan cheerfully greeted Fenris as Leandra continued to cover her mouth with her hand. He could almost hear the thoughts from Justina's mother as her eyes followed them upstairs: _"Well! So much for that noble marriage I was hoping for!" _Shyly, he nodded to her as he was pulled upstairs to Hawke's room.

Once inside her room, she locked it and grabbed his arms firmly as if afraid he would flee if given a moment to reconsider. He had no desire to run from her though. He wanted her as much as she wanted him but he was still worried. What would it feel like to be touched again, even in kindness? She must have sensed or seen his fear as she undid the straps in the back that held the sturdy, hide-armor he wore to his body. Gently, she helped him out of it so that he remained dressed only in his tight leather pants. Next, he removed his gauntlets. The pants were last and they tied on the side with laces that went down his right hip to the top of his thigh. He undid those but stopped himself from peeling them off and stepping out of them.

Jess was smoothing her fingers slowly over his muscular chest, her fingers carefully tracing the brands with her finger-tips. She lingered over his nipples, teasing them with her tongue in seductive swirls. "Does this hurt?" she murmured to him as he stiffened and swallowed hard. She was exploring him carefully and she was being brutally gentle about it. Every time her touch encountered a brand, the lyrium sang to the nerves surrounding it and sent chills down his spine.

"No. It's…very pleasant. My skin is hypersensitive to your touch but that's it. I find it curiously arousing, actually. I wasn't sure what to expect but this is…more than I could have hoped," he admitted softly.

"I can be _more_ gentle if you like," she teased him with a kindness he'd come to expect from her. It made him lift his lips in a grin.

"Now that I know only pleasure is derived from your touch, I think we can be more demanding of each other. But I confess a lack of experience in spite of my desire for you. I prefer a less delicate approach, I think."

She smiled and gracefully dropped her robe on the floor. "Then we'll just make things up as we go along, won't we?" she said with a chuckle. He took her shoulders into his firm grip and pulled her close to him. Fenris then twisted the thin linen shift in his fingers before tugging it below her breasts so that he could feast his eyes and lips on what lay bare before him. She was striking to even the most dispassionate eye and it was with some difficulty that he controlled his desire for her. Ripping off the shift and taking her in an animal-like fashion was very appealing to him at the moment. He carefully restrained himself with some effort. Eventually, the soft fabric she wore joined her robe (in one piece) and she eagerly responded to his caresses with touching of her own that further enflamed his desires and the lyrium brands lancing across his flesh. They flared radiantly along the beautiful, graceful lines and arcs that crossed his entire body. In her dimly-lit bedroom, they were easy to see and very sexy in her eyes.

Justina slid her mouth and her hands down his body until she was on her knees. She seductively, painfully inched his hide breeches down across his bulging groin and powerful thighs. This exposed his thick, lyrium-lined member to her wondering eyes. She didn't know why it surprised her that his long, heavy cock had the brands as well but perhaps it was hope that Danerius could have been less cruel. Yet, the three straight lines with their twisting lyrium "branches" that embraced it were wondrously striking to her. Just looking at them made her mouth water. She wondered what they would taste like.

Jess took it in her hands and gave the head a tentative taste and found that his cock with the lyrium was like the rest of him in flavor; it was unique to be sure but without the expected metallic tang. In fact, his skin was sweeter than any man she'd ever tasted, not that her experience was great. There had only been two before Fenris and the first she recalled had a very salty taste to him. Fenris's flavor appealed much more to her. It was like his body, his scent and his voice; each part of him being uniquely and distinctly his own.

He muttered something in Tevinter she couldn't understand but the tone of his voice was one of awe and hoarse with emotion.

Justina smiled eagerly. The last time she attempted this, she'd been eighteen and the man in question far more experienced than she. He'd taught her how to enjoy this sensual act more than she cared to admit at the time since men tended to obsess about things they enjoy most. She gripped the former-slave's firm ass in her hands and started off by slowly teasing the head of his cock with her tongue. His back stiffened and his fingers touched her head lightly and tangled in her hair. A low moan escaped his lips and he closed his eyes tightly. The things she was doing; the way she teased his cock and created the most intense sensations he'd ever experienced, was utterly amazing.

When the pleasure was almost pain, he curled his fingers under her arms and started pulling her up. She abandoned what she was doing and looked at his face as he smiled slyly. Then he turned her around against him. His hands came around to the front of her and he buried his face against the skin on her neck, kissing and sucking the smooth flesh. His hands found ways of exploring her body that left her weak and sagging against him. Fenris pushed her in the direction of the bed and then pushed her back down so that she was laying back on it, her thighs spread wide and her ass up against the edge of the bed. He then looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. Now what should he do? He started by looking down at her.

Justina laid there with a smile on her face, body completely bare and ready for him to do as he wished, as he desired. It was a nice change to be the one in charge and he found it much to his liking. As he looked over her body, he observed things about her that both impressed and intrigued him. For one, for as strong as she was, she still bore a woman's grace and a lady's curves. Her breasts, while not cumbersome, were large enough to fully fill his hands (and then some) and firm enough to allow her to get away without constantly wearing support. The nipples were artfully arranged on the upper slope of those large breasts and they were a light pink surrounded by a much darker circle of reddish brown. She was muscular as a warrior should be but not manly in any way. Then there was the strange tattoo on her hip.

In Tevinter, as among the elves of the Dales, tattoos had meaning. This one, a broad-sword through a shield and both pieces done in shades of black and red, symbolic of a two-handed warrior's penchant for destroying the armor and protection of her foes, was a powerful display of prowess. He wondered if she was aware of the message conveyed in that symbol or the meaning it bore where it was placed, just above her nearly-hairless pussy on her right hip. His fingers traced it very slowly. He knew what it meant and it further impressed him. Usually these things were branded into the flesh but he knew it had been done in an equally painful Dalish method.

What now? He experimented by placing his fingers inside both her intimate holes and teasing what he found there. Finally, he found himself yearning to satisfy a desire. "Before I do this, are there…boundaries I should observe? I don't have any memories of having sex but I feel I must have done it with some frequency because I know what I want to do and I'll admit that it's somewhat…exotic." Exotic. He said it as if he was describing a fruity drink he wanted to share with her.

"Fenris, I'm not going to prevent you from doing anything you want to do. This is one of those times in your life when, as you recall the event, you will proudly say, 'holy shit!' when you describe it. Besides, if it involves making me feel good, I'm all for it."

"If I hurt you…"

"Unless I'm screaming like you're driving a sword through my gut, not to be confused with screaming for mercy, consider any pain you cause to be the good kind." His smile grew. The woman was somewhat masochistic but then, most warriors were to an extent. He doubted he was ready to enjoy the pleasure of a bit of expertly applied pain himself, yet, but if she could allow him to cause it in small amounts then this relationship was going to be very much to his liking.

He spat in his hand and lubed his cock with it before sliding it into her ass. He felt her start against him in surprise and then he heard her murmur, "Oh, you do _that_, do you?" He didn't stop there. His fingers slid into her wet cunt until he had four fingers inside the one hole and his cock inside the tighter of the two. He used his thumb to fondle her clit while he drilled her ass. His other hand gripped her hip to keep her from moving away. She took handfuls of the bed-clothes and knotted the sheets and blankets into her fists as he worked her into an erotic frenzy.

All of a sudden, she started to cry out and Fenris withdrew his cock from her perfect butt and stabbed it into her weeping pussy and found, much to his delight, that she was nearly as tight in that hole as the first. After licking his wet fingers, he covered her body with his and pounded her violently until the bed rattled against the wall. Sweat ran down his face to drip onto her jerking, bouncing breasts. In between stabs, he sucked on her nipples, his tongue further inspiring her to cry out. Her hands entangled themselves in his silver hair and she pulled those fine, shimmering locks downward, almost painfully slamming his mouth onto hers. He tasted blood, her blood as their teeth pinched her lip between them. He sucked those lips and then, he climaxed. But climax brought with it darkness, loss of control and…

…a sudden flood of indistinct images, memories that were initially clear as day but faded as quickly as they arrived. It infuriated him! Why _now_ of all times? He tried to grasp at those fleeting images as they were consumed by the far reaches of his mind, reminding him that they were there but impossible to release without a trigger. As the passion ebbed and the visions ended, Fenris reluctantly opened his eyes and found something wondrous beneath him: Justina was glowing! Pale, blue-white light, the same as that which was caused by his brands, flickered and danced upon her skin in pale ripples that flowed along with her own pleasure.

Even withdrawing his glowing member from her body did nothing to stop the foxfire from dancing upon her skin. She was awed by it, judging from the way she observed her arms with wide eyes. There was something else: he could sense her. He sensed her feelings, her emotions, her body's desire, and he could even sense what she was thinking though in a sense, if not in words. Right now, she was very content and wanted to be held.

He froze for a moment as what they'd done suddenly struck him. How could he continue on with her when every time they made love, it would be torment anew? His body craved her to be sure but the rest of it, including the intensity of his feelings, was overwhelming. He found himself needing her with the power of a starving man desiring a feast and the 'feast' lay before him smelling of sex and wood smoke and some kind of herbaceous flower she liked to scent her bath with. She was too beautiful and too perfect for him. "Fenris?" she murmured dreamily. "What just happened?"

"Nothing. Something to do with the lyrium I assume. It shouldn't have any lasting effects on you," he lied.

"But…you seem uncomfortable. Did I do something wrong?" Bless her but she thought his hesitation was her fault. She would have some ability to sense him as well but the bulk of it was in his head or so he assumed. Otherwise, she would have been more concerned if she knew what was really going on with him.

Carefully, he laid his body beside hers and they inched their way to the head of the bed. He took her chin in his fingers and kissed her gently, softly. There was passion in the kiss and it was powerful. Side by side, they made love without the urgency of the last embrace and it lacked its perverse sexual need. This was a tender embrace full of affection and, for Fenris, a final farewell. He could not continue on with her, he decided. Not when sexual climax with her would tease him with his memories and then strip them away. It was emotion that did this, not the act itself. He simply could not endure more of it.

Eventually, they fell asleep entwined and he awoke sometime later, long after the moon had set and the room was awash in the dying glow of the remaining embers in the fireplace. Fenris swung his long legs over the side of the bed and laid his feet flat against the pile of the thick rug lying beside the bed. He gripped the edge of the bed stiffly with his hands and closed his green eyes against the tears that flooded them. What he was about to do was cruel, he knew. _'I have no choice…'_ he thought bitterly. Love and happiness wasn't worth being teased with his memories. He would never have peace else!

Naked, he rose unsteadily and walked to a crystal decanter on the vanity in her room. It had a sweet, strong cognac in it that must have cost a fortune. It was wonderful to taste and mellowed him somewhat as he sipped a glass of it. Leaning his back against the table, Fenris looked back at Justina with a crease between his drawn black brows. She was lying on the bed, her body twisted a bit so that she lay on her hip with her back almost flat against the mattress and her arms raised above her head. She was in sweet slumber now and oblivious to his departure from the bed. How he longed to softly caress her bare breasts and protruding nipples with his mouth and tongue. How he yearned to awaken her with kisses and sweet words of affection!

Alas, he feared he would not be able to touch her again. It was too much; too soon. He simply wasn't ready to be as happy as he'd been while they were embracing. A part of him felt he hadn't earned the right to so much joy. Within his mind, he was still a slave and happiness is not a thing for even freed slaves. It broke his heart to consider. He could just leave but there would be an awkward moment when they joined back up again. Right now, the work she got him was his only means of survival in Hightown so it would be wise to stay on her good side. No. He owed her an explanation. But what about his feelings for her? Flirting and kissing and wild sex were simple things that were insignificant compared to his overwhelming need for her. Though he would not admit it, not even to himself, he was finding himself falling for her and love, even mutual love, is a form of enslavement. It meant complete abandonment of your safeguards to trust in someone and hope they know what's right for you. He allowed this to an extent to her as his acknowledged leader but any more than what he was willing to relinquish terrified him.

He pushed himself away from the vanity and set down the clear glass. A bit of bright red caught his eye as he reached for his clothing. There was a bright red scarf peeking from the drawer and he found it fascinating. It was almost the color of her hair and when he curled it around his fingers and brought it to his face, he found her scent contained in its folds. Fenris held it to his nose, breathing it in deeply with a sigh. He looked back at her and then down to the soft slip of fabric in his hands. Quietly, he walked over to her on bare feet to where she lay on the bed. He had his dagger in hand almost before he knew what he was doing and reached for her short hair. Carefully, he sliced away a lock of those scarlet strands and backed away to where the waning light allowed him see what he was doing.

The lanky elf silently dressed and then tied the scarf around his slender wrist with the lock of hair tucked against the gauntlet of his right hand. No matter where he went or what he did, a part of her would never be far from him. That was his reasoning for the strange pilfering. He didn't understand it really but this was something he had to do, something he _needed_ to do. It was akin to making a promise of sorts without the necessary commitment so that he would always be reminded of what they'd shared even though, once she awoke, he would leave her and end the most amazing thing he'd ever begun. He felt like a fool but flight was preferred to icy fear he felt when he thought about enduring more torment from his memories.

Quelling his tears, he leaned against the wall and waited for her to wake up…

_And you folks know how this story ends, whether you play a boy or a girl. The dialogue's the same and the pain he feels as he all but runs from her house is the same. All that changes is what you do with it._

_Fin_


End file.
